Friday, 19 June 2015

This Is The End

I have already spoken about this topic in the latest vlog, which didn't turn out to be a real vlog because I was ill and in bed all week long and then this topic came up that changed my life a lot again.

You can go and listen to it here: VLOG.
Or continue reading here...

So, you already know that I came to Scotland from Austria last July just after graduating from High School. I basically left everything behind to live with my dear boyfriend Eryk and to study in the UK.
Since I didn't get a place at Uni straight away, I got told to study at College for one year to gain more experience since this will give me more chances for next year.
I've applied for Uni the second year in a row while still going to College. Now, College is over, I've finished with Advanced Higher French and Higher Spanish and was expected to go to Uni after summer.
Problems started when I first got rejected from all my choices and I had to consider going back to Austria. For this reason I also applied for Uni in Vienna in case everything would go wrong in Edinburgh.

And now, everything actually did go wrong when I got told some nights ago I would definitely not get in this year either. It has nothing to do with my qualifications, since I actually do have all of them, so to me this is just ridiculous.
I also got told only two weeks before going away on holidays, which means that there is no point for me of coming back to Scotland after three weeks of holidays. So, the beginning of my summer holidays will look just as it did a year ago when I decided to move to Scotland. Just that now I am moving back to Austria.

I can't describe how I feel like just now. Now that I was finally able to live with my boyfriend after being in such a complicated long-distance relationship for so long. We could finally be together all the time. This made us both so happy, even though we've encountered many, many problems too.
Life in Scotland was not easy for me, if I'm honest, but it got a part of me and leaving this part behind just now is hard.

The hardest part of leaving Scotland is not knowing what will happen with me and Eryk, since he can't just come to Vienna with me. I have no idea what he will do here apart from working, where he will live and when I'll see him again. And the second reason why I am so, so sad is that I have to leave Maya here as well. I know that Eryk will take care of her when he's back from holidays, but I also know that he will work a lot and won't have much time for her left. Eryk will also need to move house once he's back from holidays and I seriously don't know where he will stay next and who he will live with and who will accept the ferret in their flat. This is driving me absolutely crazy and I could just cry without an end about this. Not knowing what will happen is the worst feeling.

And as I said, we are going to Poland for the whole month of July and Eryk will come back to Scotland in the beginning of August, so this will be a big Goodbye for us, after a long time again and even thinking about it now, makes me already cry. It will be so hard letting go after getting used to each other so much...

After summer I will hopefully be at Uni and hopefully the time will go by quickly and hopefully Eryk will come and see me as soon as possible.
I will at first live with my parents and brother again, which makes me so happy but also feels a bit weird after living on my own for a year. I am so happy I will be with my family again, but yes, I will miss Eryk terribly. I really hope that we will stay together, that we will be strong just like we used to be before.

My life is such a mess at the moment. I am packing, booking tickets and trying to sort out everything I need to before leaving in less than two weeks.

I hope this helps you understand the lack of blog entries and I hope I can have some time for myself and Eryk, to figure out the whole situation.




  1. What are you going to do if you're not accepted for Uni in vienna either?
    And why doesn't eryk want to come with you to vienna?

    1. There is basically nothing I coud do should I not be accepted in Vienna, and this would leave me helpless and hopeless.
      Eryk would love to come with me but he doesn't know the language, so working or going to uni would be basically not possible for him. That's why he just can't go with me really. :(

    2. Oh I'm really sorry for that, hope you'll find a solution!

    3. I think everything that is new needs some time, I'm trying to stay positive even though it is very difficult for me.

  2. omg it nearly made me cry, feel so sorry for you ;( take care! hope everything turns out good at the end

  3. so are you not going to film any more vlogs ? ;( I would love to see how you get on in Vienna

    1. Oh, I will definitely keep vlogging :) I just hope that I will still have enough time to do it, but I should manage :)