I have such mixed feelings about the next two months that it really confuses me.
I am scared of my maths final exam which is on 9.5. already. I am also quite stressed because of my other subjects that I am going to have exams of in June. I have so much to study that I don't even know how I am going to manage this in such a short time.
Then there is the problem with College as well. I got two answers for two different courses, and they told me to come for an interview on 18.6. but this is the time where I'm going to have my exams and it is just impossible for me to leave. Also, my mum started to put me under pressure because of stuff like insurance and so on, because there could be some issues with that.
I also miss Eryk a lot, even though I left yesterday morning, but the first days after letting go are always the hardest ones and I know that I'm going to feel better in about two days already, which doesn't mean that I won't miss him anymore or something! You just get used to it that your partner isn't with you at the moment and that you have to wait a bit. There is also a small chance that Eryk could get two weeks off work in June, but again, the problem is: on which day am I going to have my exams? We only know right now that it is going to be from 16. to 23. June on one day. Well, I'll know in May. I'd love Eryk to come over because this would make me so much happier, but if I'm going to have the exams during this time he would be here, my parents wouldn't allow it probably because I wouldn't study as much as I would without him here. And if he'd get the days off after 23. we could maybe go somewhere together, either to Poland for a short break before moving out, or I'd move out straight after my finals. This also depends on this whole insurance thing. i also need to find some work over there so that I can earn some money already.
All of that is so stressful that I am feeling depressed all the time.
I somehow want my finals to come quickly and pass quickly because I'd see Eryk sooner then, but I don't feel prepared for the exams at all and this wants me the time to pass slower. I don't know.. as I said, mixed feelings about everything. :(
The only thing I can do right now is to study every day as much as possible so that I won't have any problems with the finals in order to being allowed to move out earlier.
I hope that things will get sorted out until end of May because that would be really helpful.
Missing someone you love feels terrible....
This is atually how my room looks like now
If you saw my previous posts, you know already that Eryk and me ate lots of crumpets in Scotland. I bought one pack of them and took them to Vienna in order to have them for breakfast for the next days. BUT when I look at them they just make me cry and sad because it reminds me just so much of us eating them together and enjoying our time.